6 Weeks.

6 weeks.

That's how long this little baby lived in my womb.
6 weeks.
Only a week and a half were we aware of the baby.

I puked for no reason on Monday after we got back from Chicago. I figured I was pregnant. A few days later I finally took a pregnancy test and sure enough, it was positive.

Friday I went to the doctor to have a dating ultrasound because my periods still haven't been regular since having Peyton (because I'm still nursing him). From the ultrasound, they guess was that the baby was about five and a half weeks. They gave me and estimated due date of March 14th and planned on bringing me back in 10 days to do another ultrasound to confirm the due date.

On Tuesday night, I started spotting a little. Wednesday morning I was more... so I called and talked to the nurse at my OB's office. The radiologist had read my ultrasound and noted that I had a hematoma near the implantation site, which would explain the spotting.

Thursday I was bleeding more, so I called and asked if I could come in for another ultrasound. The nurse sounded hopeful on the phone because I was still puking lots... but I kind of already knew that the baby was gone.

The ultrasound tech didn't say much... so I knew it was bad news.

The doctor said that the baby probably died on Monday based on measurements. She wanted me to get blood work to confirm my HCG levels were dropping, but was pretty sure I was miscarrying.

Saturday my labs were posted online and sure enough, my HCG levels dropped, which confirmed.

I was pretty miserable both emotionally and physically on Saturday and Sunday. I was having contractions and cramping on and off and lots of bleeding.

Sunday afternoon around 3:00 the gestational sac with the baby inside was passed.

I was hoping that once the baby was out, that I would start to feel better, but the contractions, cramping, and bleeding continued for several days.

On Thursday, we took the baby to the funeral home for cremation. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with the baby at first, but I knew for sure that I didn't want to just flush the baby... it wasn't a dead goldfish. And I knew I didn't wan to bury the baby in a backyard because the baby wasn't a pet (and who knows how long we will live here). The baby was a human being...created in the imagine of God. I felt that the baby, even though only a few weeks developed, deserved something more. Then someone mentioned that most funeral homes will do cremation free of charge for miscarried and stillborn babies and that sounded like a good option for me. It sounds weird, but having Michael's ashes around bring me comfort, so hopefully having the baby's ashes around will also bring me comfort.

The following Thursday, I was able to pick up the baby's ashes from the funeral home.

This morning we talked to Emily, Kyle, Colby, and Peyton about the baby. We told them that God had put another baby in mommy's belly, but the baby died before it had much of a chance to grow. We explained that once the baby came out, we got a small bag of ashes like we have Bumpa's box.
As a family we went to Build A Bear and made a bear for the baby. All four kids picked out little hearts and put them inside. We also put the baby's ashes inside. Now we have a very special bear to help us remember the baby.

We've had lots of conversations about the baby this morning. The kids are all pretty sure the baby was a boy (I was thinking the baby was a boy too!). Kyle and Emily have talked about the baby being in Heaven with Bumpa. Emily has talked about the other baby we lost too (Kyle and Emily's triplet). Colby is kind of confused as to why the baby is now in the bear's belly instead of mommy's, but eventually he'll understand.

While we never got to actually meet our baby, the baby is still apart of our family. We still lost another child. God created life inside of me, and while that life only lasted for a short while, it was still a life. Still a child. Still loved. We are a family of eight. Four kids here with us to raise and watch grow up and two waiting in Heaven for us.
While death is never okay and was never supposed to be apart of the plan, God is still in control and sees the big picture. God intentionally created this baby even though He knew the plan for the baby. God has a purpose for the baby's short life... and someday we may know what that purpose was or we may never know, but we do have hope in a good God who is sovereign over all things. We have hope in a God who always works for the good of those who love Him, even when it doesn't seem that way to us. We have hope...
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen! Romans 11:36

OB Check Up and Ultrasound

I had a check up this morning with my OB. For the most part, all checked out good. Peyton's heart sounded good and my belly is measuring "perfectly!"

I have been having lots of regular contractions the past couple weeks. They aren't really painful, just uncomfortable, but concerned because they come at regular intervals for long periods of time. After some monitoring, the doctor thought an ultrasound was a good idea to check out my cervix and fluids and such. 

They couldn't do the ultrasound while I was at the office this morning, so I drove home for a few hours... and then drove back for my ultrasound...

Everything looked good for the ultrasound. The tech confirmed that Peyton is most definitely a little boy! It was the first thing that he showed us when he popped up on the screen! My cervix was on the short side, but still within "normal" and fluids looked good. I got to watch Peyton move and squirm around for a bit. It was kind of fun. She showed me a few different angles and I think he's going to look a lot of Colby... but we'll see when he comes out!

The only "concern" with the ultrasound is that Peyton was butt down. But the kid does so many flips daily, it's not a big deal yet. Hopefully in the next few weeks, he'll settle in to a head down position! 

So for now... we are good! I'm supposed to "take it easy"... no lifting heavy stuff, no exercise... that and sort of stuff. If I start to get contractions, I'm supposed to lay down right away and call if they don't go away.

Anatomy Scan and OB Appointment

Yesterday I had my anatomy scan and an OB appointment.

Emily and Kyle really wanted to go see the baby. I'm not really sure what they were expecting, but because they really wanted to go (and my OB gave the okay for all three kiddos to watch the ultrasound), our whole family went to my appointment.

Kyle and Emily were interested for about the first two minutes of my ultrasound. Shortly after they heard the baby's heartbeat, they lost interest.

Everything looked great on the baby. All body parts and organs accounted for and normal. Measurements were a little on the small side, but they have been all along, so no concern!

The tech gave us some pictures of the baby's feet!

After several attempts to get a good look, she was finally able to see little BOY parts! He was doing a good job at keeping his legs closed, but finally showed us what we wanted to see!

I thought Kyle and Emily would react more when we found out if the baby was a boy or a girl, but they were were pretty much "yeah, we know" and didn't seem to care. They have both said from the beginning that the baby was a boy, so I guess it wasn't much of a surprise for them! They did get excited about it later when we starting calling grandparents and aunts to tell them and made a video to post of Facebook.

Here's some more pictures of the little guy!

We haven't officially decided on a name yet. We have it narrowed down to a few and will decide at some point! :)

Everything else went fine with my appointment. I've only gained 1 pound in the past four weeks, but a little gain is better than any loss! I'm still throwing up and not feeling good some days, but if the past repeats it self, that's not going to stop until after the baby is born. 

Two more four week appointments and then we got to every two weeks! Yay for being almost to the "half way" point!

Ultrasound

A little over a week ago, I had an ultrasound. It was the normal first trimester screening, plus checking to make sure the baby was going since I keep loosing weight.

I'm assuming the NT results came back normal (it's an ultrasound, plus blood work). They told me if anything was wrong, I would get a phone call within a week, but if all was well, the doctor would just let me know at my next appointment.... and I haven't gotten a phone call.

The baby was squirming and kicking and playing. It's fun to watch!

Size wise, the baby is right where he or she should be. My due date in their computer system is still Jan 19th, but according to my last ultrasound and this ultrasound the baby is measuring to be due Jan 24th.

I go back next week for another regular check up and I'm guessing they will have my schedule my 20 week anatomy ultrasound. It's kind of weird to think that in six short weeks (or five if you use the due date based on my last period) we will already be to the half way point!

I'm still having lots of problems with nausea, but am not throwing up as much as I was. Hopefully that's a sign that I'll feel better soon, but I'm not counting on it since I threw up for pretty much all of both my other pregnancies.

I'm still very much exhausted; the second trimester energy burst everyone always talks about hasn't hit me yet. But I've been sick (cough and congestion), and I am still nursing Colby and taking care of three crazies... so I don't expect to have all sorts of energy any time soon (like in the next three years!).

It's A....

SURPRISE!

Yesterday I had my 20 week anatomy ultrasound and a prenatal appointment.

The ultrasound went well. I saw 10 fingers and 10 toes and all kinds of other little body parts. The baby was moving and flipping around during most of the ultrasound. The baby's heart beat was 155 bpm and is estimated to be 14oz. Everything measured right on track.

Because my due date has been in question from the start and the baby keeps measuring a couple days different at each of the ultrasounds, we weren't sure what the "official" due date was. Yesterday I was given the official due date of February 2.

My appointment went well. My blood pressure and everything else looked good. I had seen a neurologist last week because of my headaches/migraines and he recommended that my OB put me on magnesium to help prevent my headaches and migraines. After talking about it, because I have been only have one or so a week, instead of the five or six I was having, we are going to hold off of the magnesium for now. If my headaches start getting worse again, then my OB will go ahead and give me an RX.

As far of finding out the gender of the baby.... I felt like I really didn't have a choice. I had so many people that I felt pressure from to find out. I had lots of comments about how it would just be easier to know for this reason and that... and lots of negative reactions when I said I didn't think I wanted to know. That being said... for now... the gender will remain a surprise!

Still Waiting...

My ultrasound on Wednesday went fine... both babies passed with BPP and I actually got to see Kyle's face! Emily has moved way down and is ready to come out, so Kyle has a little more room to move around - and actually showed us his face!

My OB appt on Friday went well today - I was hoping I would get sent to the hospital to have the babies... but no such luck! My cervix is more dilated and more thinned out... but still only "early labor" - no active labor yet! The doctor said "any day now" so we'll see what happens...

We're also still waiting for our house to sell... Our realtor came over on Wednesday night to talk to us about our house and the response (or lack of) that we are getting. Many of the houses in our neighborhood that are selling, are selling for way less than what we are asking for. She thinks that we need to drop our price about $40,000 to get more interest. Which means it would cost us about $40,000 to sell our house. We are in the process of contacting our mortgage company to see what we need to do for a short sale.... so we'll see...

10 Pounds of Babies!

I had a growth ultrasound and BPP this morning. Both Kyle and Emily passed the BPP again with flying colors - neither one of the knows how to stay still!

The growth ultrasound brought a little bit of concern. Emily was measuring at 4 lbs 7 oz and Kyle was measuring at 5 lbs 10 oz. The "goal" is for the babies to have less than a 20% difference in their weight, but Kyle and Emily have a 22% difference. After the tech gave me the measurements, she went out to review the images with the doctor. I then had another tech come in to redo some of the measurements. Then my original tech came back to take some different measurements and after her, yet another tech came in to take some more! It was crazy. Finally, the doctor came in to talk to me. (It was a different doctor at MFM that I hadn't seen before and he looked and talked exactly like my cousin Jack - it was kinda weird.) The doctor explained that all of the measurements for both Kyle and Emily were within the normal range - Kyle just happens to be at the higher end of the normal range for weight and Emily is at the lower end for the weight. He explained that because everything else was normal and that their weights were still within the normal range, that he wasn't too concerned at this point. They will just keep a closer eye on both of their weights. Hopefully Emily will have a growth spurt like Kyle did!

Other than that, things are going okay pregnancy wise. I am getting big and even more uncomfortable. My maternity clothes are starting to get tight. My back hurts pretty much constantly. But Emily and Kyle need to stay in my belly for a little bit long, so I am more than happy to endure the pains so that my babies can keep growing and come out healthy!

Please pray for me and the babies as we are in this final stretch!

In other than baby news, Brent started a second part time job this week! This is driving for a dry cleaning company in the afternoons when he is done with Primos. We also have been in "communication" with a church in southern Indiana about a possible ministry - so please pray with us about the opportunity.

Another BPP Passed!

I had another BPP ultrasound this morning and both of the babies did well! Emily was a little sleepy at first, but she started moved around by the end. Both Kyle and Emily are practice breathing and moving all their little parts! We didn't really see their faces again - Emily is so far down and facing my back and Kyle's face is behind Emily's butt still! They tech said they both have hair - Kyle more than Emily! And once again - Kyle was more than willing to show us his little boy parts!
Both of their hearts look and sound good! The PAC in Emily's seems to have resolved itself!!!!
Next week we will have another BPP, as well as growth scan. And this Friday I go back to my OB.

Finally an Update!

Sorry for the slowness in updating... It's been a long week and most of my "free" time as been spent sleepy or trying to sleep.

Sunday I started having contractions at church... at first they were about 10 minutes apart, but once we got home and I laid down and rested they slowed to 20-30 minutes apart. Monday I was still having contractions 20-30 minutes apart and in the afternoon they were starting to be a little more uncomfortable, so I gave the doctor a call and they sent me to the hospital. I was hooked up to the monitors and watched for a bit. They did a test called an fFN test, which came back negative - that told the doctors I had at least another two weeks before I go into labor. My cervix was still closed, but it was soft. They told me to go home and take it easy.

Wednesday we went to Maternal Fetal for the BPP ultrasound. They basically are watching for the babies' movement and "practice breathing." They get points for moving their body, for the practice breathing, for moving their arms and legs, and other such things. Kyle and Emily both got perfect scores! Emily's heart was a lot better, but still not completely normal. Before she was having the extra beat in every pattern, but on Wednesday it was only once every 5 or 6 patterns! The tech was trying to get pictures of the babies for me, but they weren't cooperating very well. In the 3D we could kind of see Emily's face, but she wasn't staying very still and kept putting her arms in from of her face, along with her umbilical cord. We did get a 3D picture of Kyle's ear... but couldn't see his face because it was hiding behind Emily's butt! We did however see his little boy parts in 3D a couple times - he kept showing those off! Silly boy!

Friday I had an appt with my OB. She told me my cervix is all thinned out, but not dilated yet. I have been having more frequent headaches and seeing flashing lights when I have headache - apparently this is related to my blood pressure, which is a little high. She reduced my work hours to only 6 hours a day - hoping to give me time to get more rest and such. More rest should help slow down my contractions (still having pretty consistently 30-45 minutes apart) and should help my blood pressure stay down.

We got back to Maternal Fetal next Wednesday for another BPP and then Friday to the OB - pray for no trips to the hospital this week!

30 Week Ultrasound

We had an ultrasound yesterday with the high risk specialists (where most of my ultrasounds are) and the babies are growing! Emily is 2 lbs 14 oz and Kyle is 3 lbs 6 oz. My baby boy has a little chubby belly :) The doctor wasn't concerned about the difference in their size. When I asked the ultrasound tech about it, she said that normally with boy/girl twins the boys tend to be a little bit bigger and that with fraternal twins it's like having to separate pregnancies going on in my belly at the same time, so it's really nothing to worry about. So we'll keep watching and hopefully Emily will take after Kyle and start putting on weight more quickly so we can have two healthy sized babies when they come out!

We didn't get any pictures to share - Emily had her arms in front of her face the whole time and Kyle had his arms up and Emily's butt in his face the whole time. Emily had the hiccups, so it was kind of cool watching and feeling her little body bounce around. She is still head down and just waiting to be big enough to come out. Kyle was practicing breathing. He is still transverse, but has moved down out of my rib cage a little bit.

We did get a bit of potentially bad news though... Emily is having atrial contractions. This means that she has an extra beat in the rhythm of her heart. The doctor said there are lots of things that can cause this and most of the time it goes away by birth. For now they are just going to watch it closely. I will now have weekly doctors appointments and in two weeks will start weekly ultrasounds - which is a little earlier than planned, but not much. I also was told to be completely caffeine free - no pop, no chocolate, no tea, no anything with caffeine in it - to help Emily's little heart.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow with my OB and plan on asking some more questions about Emily's heart now that it has had time to set in. Will try to post an update again tomorrow or Saturday about what my doctor says.

Quick Ultrasound Update

I don't have the pictures scanned... maybe sometime this weekend. But they said everything looked good. Kyle is 1lb14oz and Emily is 1lb13oz... so they both gain 13oz since my last ultrasound. Their growth is still about 4% of each other (the goal is under 20%). Emily is still head down and Kyle is now in a transverse position (he was breached).
My mom and Michael got to go to my ultrasound with me and see the babies. I think it was different than they thought it would be... but it was fun to have them there!

22 Weeks and Baby Names!

For those of you that don't know yet, we have decided on names for our little babies. Our little girl is Emily Doris and our little boy is Kyle Myron.

Yesterday we had another ultrasound with Maternal Fetal. Both of the babies looked good and would not stop moving the whole time. Emily and Kyle are both about a pound and about a foot long. They are growing at a good rate and are withing 4% of each other. Emily is head down and Kyle is currently in a breech position. The other good news is that Emily's placenta has moved up more and I no long have placenta previa! I only got a couple pictures because both babies had their backs out, so it was hard to get pictures of their faces. I will try to get them scanned in the next couple days.

I go tomorrow and see my OB, so we'll see what she has to say. Hopefully she will say everything is good too.

I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight finally. I never thought I would think gaining 20 pounds was a good thing... but in this case, it is very much a good thing!

In other news... our house is officially on the market!

Anatomy Scan

I had my 20 week anatomy scan today! I am only 19 weeks and 4 days, but they still called it the 20 week scan. Both babies are looking good and have all their fingers and toes. Their organs are all there and appear to be working like they should. Both of their heads are about 4cm in diameter and they both weigh around 10oz. It's crazy how much bigger they are, yet they still have a lot of growing to do before they are ready to come out into the real world.

This is a profile of our little boy - and yes, we know for sure he is a little boy. We saw all this little boy parts and they are a lot more defined now than they were a couple weeks ago.
This is another profile shot of our baby boy. That's all we got of him. He wasn't cooperating very well when the tech and the doctor were trying to take his pictures. He kept putting his hands over his face and curling up into a ball so they had a hard time taking all the pictures they needed of his heart. But the doctor assured us all was good!

This is our baby girl. The tech was able to take a couple good 3D pictures of her face.

In this one, you can see our baby girl sucking her thumb :)

This is just a normal profile of our baby girl. She didn't want to show her toes at first, but after a couple tries the tech found all ten toes!

Hopefully the babies will want to stay in my belly for at least another 15 weeks, but after 18 more weeks, the doctors will make them come out! It's hard to believe that we only have about four more months before we meet our wonderful little babies!

Ultrasound Pictures

Here are the ultrasound pictures from last week when I was 16 weeks and 1 day....

This is the top of both of the babies' heads.... at this time both babies were head down! Let's hope they stay that way!


This is our baby girl with her hand up to her face.
A close up of our baby girl's face...again, her hand is by her face.

Another one of our baby girl. The dark spot in the middle is her stomach!

This is our baby boy... just like his father he was being difficult when we were trying to take his picture.

You can see both of them in this one.

And in this one, our baby boy finally let us get a good picture of him.

And another one... like his sister, he has his hand up by his face.

Hope you enjoy seeing our babies as much as we do!

It's A Girl! It's A Boy!

On Tuesday I had a pretty rough day. In the late morning I started having really bad cramps right under my rib cage. I called my OB's office and they said it was probably my uterus growing; that with twins it just hurts a lot worse because my uterus is growing twice as fast as it would with just one baby. The nurse told me if the pain got worse or if I had an spotting or contractions to call them back. A little while later I had a little bit of spotting, so I called them back and was sent for an ultrasound just to make sure everything was okay. The nurse was very reassuring and said it most likely wasn't anything to worry about.
Brent couldn't go to my ultrasound with me because he had a meeting at church, so my friend Modesty went with me. Both of the babies looked great. They both were about 5 ounces and had healthy little hearts and were moving all around in my belly. The ultrasound tech informed us that Baby A is a little girl and Baby B is a little boy! I was a little sad that Brent wasn't there, but it was fun to tell him and has been fun to share the news with people.
Knowing that one baby is a little girl and one is a little boy has made the fact that we are having twins seem a little more real. We have given them names and it's weird calling them by their names and knowing that there are these two little humans inside of my belly! I am very excited for March to get here and to meet our little babies!

Pictures!

This is Baby B with his/her arms holding his/her legs
This is another one of Baby B just chillin'
This is Baby A sucking his/her thumb
This is Baby A hangin' out
This is a close up of Baby A's face

The printed pictures didn't turn out as clear as the other ones. The ultrascan was a higher level ultrasound so a lot more details were visable. We could see everything very clearly on the screen...

Healthy Babies, Healthy Mommy

My appointment about my thyroid went well. The doctor explained that the TSH is what is low, which means my brain things my thyroid is producing too many hormones. He called an endocrinologist to double check, but apparently this is pretty normal in pregnancy. The receptors in the brain that measure the thyroid hormones are the same receptors that measure HcG (the pregnancy hormone). The endocrinologist recommended waiting a couple weeks and getting more blood work done - and there is there are still abnormalities, I will go see the endocrinologist. The doctor said he didn't think it was anything to worry about.

My ultrasound went really well too! Both of the babies were active and looked really healthy. Both are about 5 cm from crown to rump and everything is measuring where is it supposed to be. Baby A likes to suck his/her thumb and baby B likes to stick out his/her tounge. Both babies are pretty good at doing flips, stretching out, and kicking/punching eachother and me. We could see their little faces and their little fingers and little feet. We also heard both of their heart beats and everything sounded good!

I will try to scan the pictures later and post them, but for now... it's nap time for mommy!

Pictures!

We Were Discharged!

...from the fertility specialist! It's kind of bitter sweet. I have come to look forward to seeing the staff and the doctor every week. I love the nurse and the ultrasound tech, so it was sad to say good bye. But at the same time, this means that I am moving along in my pregnancy and getting that match closer to meeting these amazing little mircles that God has put in my belly!

They took lots of ultrasound pictures today. It amazes me how much bigger the babies have gotten each week. Last week they were almost 2cm and this week they are almost 4cm. It's crazy. And they look more and more like babies. They have big heads and little arms and bodies. There little hearts look good and the babies don't know how to stay still. The ultrasound tech was having a hard time getting clear pictures and measurements because the babies were moving around so much. It was pretty cool to watch.

My next appointment is two weeks from today and it will be with my new OB.

I told the rest of my co-workers on Wednesday that I was pregnant with twins. Some were really excited - others didn't seem to care so much. But now they all know why I have been a little cranky lately and going pee every two seconds and been so sleepy, so they can stop asking questions.

Next weekend Brent's parents and grandparents will be here. So we will tell Grandma and Grandpa Cary then, and then start to call more family and such. I love telling people who I know will be excited - their reactions are so much fun to watch!

Everything Looks Good

I had another appointment today! It was a bit crazy getting there because the main road was closed due to a fatal car accident. Luckily, I have an amazing husband who found a way for me to get around it and get to my appointment on time!

Both of the babies look good. It's amazing to see how much bigger they have gotten in the last week. They are both about a centimeter long and have good little hearts. It's pretty cool to see their hearts beating!

The doctor told me he would see me three more times and then discharge me to my normal OB. We've decided that I am going to switch OB/Gyn's because my current one delivers at a hospital that doesn't have as good of an NICU. This wouldn't really be a concern if we were just having one baby, but because it's twins I want to make sure we are in a place that has everything they may need if there are any problems. I called the new OB's office today and made my first appointment with them for September 17th. At that point I will be nearing the end of my first trimester - pretty crazy.

Interesting fact I learned today about being pregnant: you bruise more easily. When the nurse took blood last week, it left a bruise. This isn't that abnormal for me normally, but she has taken my blood several times over the past 6 months and has only bruised me once. She explained to me that because of the increased blood flow when your pregnant you tend to bruise way easier. Which would explain the random massive bruise on the back of my leg.

I told my grandma today that I was pregnant with twins. She was way supper excited and I'm pretty sure it made her day, which made me excited.